Sunday, September 7, 2014

I am a RAD mom

I am a RAD mom. 
That means that I have a child who sees me as the enemy, a child who desperately wants to love me, be a permanent part of our family, and feel normal for a change. I have a child who doesn't know how to hug me or snuggle with me, but she will jump playfully into the arms of a stranger or person who spends little time with her. Sure, later on she'll defecate on herself or urinate in her bedroom maybe she'll smash out her windows or having a screaming fit while trying to rip out her own hair or beat her face off the wall, but you're probably right that her relationship with you is healthy while her relationship with me is not.
I am a RAD mom.
That means that I have spent countless hours agonizing over decisions that I could once make at the drop of a dime. Leaving our home can be an agonizing process that might sound to the neighbors like someone is being murdered all because my child was asked to do an every day task like wear pants or please put on her shoes. It might sound outlandish, but our record time for putting on pants was 96 minutes and it won't surprise me if some day it takes longer. No, a spanking won't fix it. Neither will time out, a big long hug, or a conversation where I remind her that she is safe and all is well. 
I am a RAD mom.
That means that I spend my spare time reading blogs, talking to a support group, crying in the shower, and reminding myself that we chose this path and we will overcome. I force myself to believe that despite today's setbacks tomorrow is worth it and something, even if it's just one good thing, might happen and make it worth it. I read, and reread, and read once again the words of the premier RAD therapists in the world. I memorize every last drop of their wisdom because I am going to need it before I even turn the page. I celebrate milestones that are years behind where she is intellectually because I have a need to see some good in her among the hell that is often our daily life.
I am a RAD mom. 
That means that what works for your average child, your well behaved child, your perfect little angel will not work for my child, and if it does it's simply because she's manipulating you. Don't believe me? You don't have to because when it comes right down to it she's mine, she's not yours, and you have NO right to question
my reasons
my methods
my decisions
my choices
because at the end of the day you won't be the one trying to fix the issue, and her issues are none of your business. If I choose to vent to you, it's because I need you to tell me that my hard work is going to pay off and that you support me no matter what.
I am a RAD mom.
And you ain't seen NOTHIN' yet.